


Lo Siento

by justanothernobody



Category: K-pop, Super Junior
Genre: Angst, EunHae, Falling In Love, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, M/M, Romance, Sad, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 00:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15852711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothernobody/pseuds/justanothernobody
Summary: The pain he feels every time he looks in Hyukjae's way is the consequence of his sacrifice, and he must bear with it for as long as he can.





	Lo Siento

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reinhitomi](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=reinhitomi).



> I know I should probably focus on my two ongoing stories but a comment on AFF made me get so much inspiration thus this was made. English isn't my first language so help me out if you see any errors. I'm opened to constructive criticism so do that too. Dedicated to reinhitomi on AFF for getting me out of an author's block. Enjoy!

It goes like this. Hyukjae gets accepted into an agency since he was young; he meets an eccentric boy that he spends almost half of his life with.

 

_With an angelic smile,_

_The brightly shining goddess is you_

 

And he truly loves this boy. So much so that he would sacrifice everything to see him smile.

 

With sacrifices comes a consequence. And he wishes his own wasn’t such a heavy burden upon his shoulders.

 

Because the first time he coughs up the petals, it had been when he was dumb and in love and it hurts like hell. It started off with one or two petals at a time, hidden with a convincing lie. He pretends not to know the person behind the breathtaking daisies in his lungs.

 

His sacrifices continue, and he coughs up more petals every time said boy smiles at him and looks his way.

 

_I’m not crazy for you_

 

He ignores the feelings, the flourishing love and the aching pain every time they speak — every time their eyes meet, every time he thinks of Donghae.

 

It hurts even more every time he tries to forget. So he doesn’t try to do so, instead he lets the pain of loving consume him whole until he forgets everything but the love in his heart that embodied itself in his lungs.

 

But he hopes that one day Donghae will leave him alone. Not because the latter hates him, it’s because he’d rather live in loneliness than in physical pain.

 

 _I’m sorry, excuse me, let me kiss you, let me whisper to you_  
Next, you kiss me  
Whether the sun is up or the moon is up,  
it doesn’t matter

 

His breaking point was when they kissed. They were both drunk and curious; an experiment seemed the best idea at the moment. After all, Hyukjae would do anything to satisfy Donghae - even if it hurts him so.

 

He doesn't remember the night as clearly as he would've liked, but he definitely recalls the sweet aftertaste left on his mouth and stamping itself permanently in his mind. He recalls the sensation of the latter’s lips, the heat that instantly fills him up, and the events following suit.

_  
Let me hold you right now, if not_

_When the night is dark, kiss you one more time_  
we’ll dance all night, oh oh oh  
I promise, you won’t be disappointed, no no no  
No need for words  
we can take it slow

 

Drunk with alcohol and sloppy kisses, they both shuffle quickly through the hallway, bumping into a door here and a table there.

 

It'll probably leave a bruise tomorrow. But that's not the only bruise left behind, he hopes

 

.

They kiss the whole way to his room, mouths never leaving each other’s and sound muted by lips on lips.

 

As they enter his room they hurriedly peel off layers of clothing. His button-down might've hit the bedside table, Donghae's shirt is probably somewhere in the corner of the room, but he couldn't care less about it as Donghae pushes him down onto the bed.

_I don't know how I got tangled up with your kisses  
it was a temptation, just a moment_

Hyukjae goes to pull Donghae down in a rough kiss, just at the same time the other was about to do so. Right at the point their head bumps into each other, Hyukjae finds his chance and flips them over. He begins pulling down the latter’s jeans, Donghae does the same.

 

Soon after, they are naked and aroused, sweaty bodies clinging onto each other as midnight dawns on them.

 

He gets even drunker on the moans and sighs leaving Donghae’s lips

 

And they get tangled up in Donghae's sheets, dancing up a tango under the covers. He finds himself thrusting quicker into his best friend repeatedly and hearing gratified moans every time he hits just right.

 

It's late at night and Donghae has his thighs on his hips and he can’t think straight – mind hazy both from sexual pleasure and flowering pain.

 

He wants to kiss him again, especially when the moonlight shining on him looks dangerously beautiful. But he stops himself, opting for a rough shove of tongue instead of the soft movement of lips against lips. He moves down towards his neck, leaving a wet trail and some bites and Donghae screams _more_ whenever he gets rough with him.

 

He pushes in even faster than before in search of his high. He can tell the other is close too, his moans get higher in pitch and his face gets flushed from the energy exerted. As they both reach the peak of ecstasy they both moan out, and Hyukjae falls on top of Donghae’s chest in exhaustion. He takes deep gulps of oxygen as they lay together in the aftermath.

 

His lungs had never hurt more than it did that day.

_This is wrong but I cannot stop_  
(I know there’s no going back)  
because this is not normal

When morning comes, Hyukjae ends up sitting on the edge of the bed in pain. His chest aches so much - the petals are already on the brink of being coughed out, so he coughs. He goes out of the room and he loses his breath in disposing the fallen petals out of his system.

 

He begins to think it’s not worth it. The pain of unrequited love and the pain of the plant he bears.

 

He immediately researches a surgery to remove the plant out of his lungs.

 

Sadly, he can’t weigh all the sacrifices he has to do in order to be free of the petals. The idea of no more feelings seem a simple downside to all the benefits he gets in turn.

 __  
I know, I’ll be waiting, look for it  
Feelings inside your heart

 

A few days after being free of the petals that haunt him, Donghae comes up to him.

 

“I love you,” the other says. The only reply Hyukjae can think of is, “It’s too late”.

 

Because from the second he makes an appointment for his sprouting flower, it's not love anymore. And it never will be, not when Hyukjae only feels emptiness in his heart. Not since the flowers were removed from him. Not even when he cries out from the despair deeply buried in him. Not even with the knowledge that Donghae loves him back.

 

It'll never be love, because Hyukjae gave up his chance for love.

 

He gave up feelings for a selfish chance at life.

 

His heart aches with the tears he can never shed, the sadness he can never feel, and the love he can never experience.

 

A useless apology tumbles out of his lips in a numbed haze. Yet he wants Donghae to truly understand all the guilt that has fallen upon him.

 

_I'm sorry_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted on AFF under the account mp_2506


End file.
